Ash Ketchum Is Not Really A 10 Year Old Child

“What is he then? Like, 11?”

Kanto Region – What if I told you that a show that you grew up watching, that you swear was Pokemon, wasn’t actually Pokemon?

That’s right.

Pokemon is fake. Or rather, dumbed down for kids.

The series is set in an alternate universe, where humans control creatures that are faster, stronger, and smarter than them. It follows protagonist – self-proclaimed Pokemon Master, Ash Ketchum – during his travels through various regions of the world.

Ash is reportedly 10 years old, and roams the world by his lonesome.

According to Internet fan theories, the reason children are allowed to venture off on their own Pokemon journey at the ripe age of 10, is because the events that take place are in a very distant future, shortly after a great war that involved the mutation of creatures that eventually became Pokemon.

In that great war, nearly all men were killed, spare a few, and without men, the world is safe for children to roam freely. This is supposed to explain why Ash doesn’t have a dad, or something like that.

Yet, something feels amiss… Like I just can’t buy that a 10 year old has the mental capacity to roam the world by himself without forgetting to actually change his underwear every day.

As it turns out, Ash Ketchum was a cleverly disguised name the animators of the show gave to the protagonist for the kid’s version of the show. The reason your parents were able to stand letting you watch Pokemon so much, was because they were watching it too… after you went to bed, of course.

Ash Smokem

The “adult version” of the show featured the true-to-the-manga, canonical Ash Smokem (the first name Ash makes a lot more sense now, eh?). This allowed the creators of the show to re-use their material in 2 different settings, and appealed to a much wider audience.

Gone were the days of making horrendous kid’s cartoons for this studio; they could make a funny adult-themed show, featuring a Snoop Dog-faced 40 year old midget, and with a little editing magic, make it a brand new, kid-friendly show, that even the most hardcore Evangelist could appreciate.

They tried to keep the weed references in the kid version, but Cartoon Network wasn’t having it.

Don’t bother asking your parents about it, because as they were toking down during each episode, so their memory is as far gone as this show.

Following a lawsuit in 1999, all adult versions of the show were forcibly pulled from cable networks and store shelves. Any consumer with a wild copy has likely lost it, along with their collection of Grateful Dead albums, and the Internet didn’t exist until 2008, so it seems that this is all we’re left with of the series.


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About the Author: Chet Ramsteak

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