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Nintendo Sues London Dairy Farm Over Use of Date Placement, Gets Creamed In Court

Mario Drinking Milk

“Milk ’em, boys!” | Ontario, Canada – The dust from a major court battle recently settled, after a timestamp on a shipment of milk was mistaken for officially-sanctioned “Nintendo milk”, initially prompting the video game company into the (legal) attack position until the end of its next turn.

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Bill Gates Teabagged in Halo, Sends An Army to Eradicate Small Town in Croatia

Bill Gates Thumbnail

“git gud cucks” | Silicon Valley – Winning isn’t everything for a lot of people. Some of us might scream and shout at our TVs and computers when we are homing in on victory, only to be shot dead…

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PBS Finds The Female Gamer Demographic Nothing More Than A Clever Government Hoax

Gamer Girl Thumbnail

“If that’s so, explain why my girlfriend likes playing video games!?” | Arlington, Virginia – The Public Broadcasting Service, PBS, finds that the “female gamer” demographic, is nothing more than a clever government hoax started to soothe the burning loins of…

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The Lie That Sparked A War Between Kakariko Village and the “Tree Hobbits” of Kokiri Forest

Dead Deku Tree

“Tree Hobbits, eh? Let me get you the number of a great pest control company to take care of that.” | Kakariko Village, Hyrule – It has recently come to light that a blood feud between the residents of Kakariko Village and the peaceful children of the Kokiri Forest arose sometime in 1999, after…

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Why Cuccos Aren’t Called “Chickens” In The Legend of Zelda

Paula Dean With Link's Head Rides A KFC Double Down sandwich as a Cucco flies through the air

“Why the cluck aren’t they called chickens?!” | Kyoto, Japan – The Legend of Zelda – a series that makes no sense. The land of Hyrule is constantly grief-stricken by the same basic evil force every game, a small boy is the land’s only hope, and there’s 3 separate timelines, because Nintendo apparently doesn’t understand…

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