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Nintendo Sues London Dairy Farm Over Use of Date Placement, Gets Creamed In Court

Mario Drinking Milk

“Milk ’em, boys!” | Ontario, Canada – The dust from a major court battle recently settled, after a timestamp on a shipment of milk was mistaken for officially-sanctioned “Nintendo milk”, initially prompting the video game company into the (legal) attack position until the end of its next turn.

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Discovering Bigfoot While Searching For Big Foot In GTA: San Andreas

Bigfoot sighted

“The moral of the story here is, when you’ve caught a Bigfoot, take a few pictures (and maybe a video) before you decide to go for a walk” | Belgrade, Montana – To this day, Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is among the most controversial games in the series.

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Link Discovers His Pullout Game Isn’t As Strong As It Used To Be

“Time is a cruel thief to rob us of our former selves. We lose as much to life as we do to death.” | Hyrule – Quite a bit of time has passed since 1998, when Nintendo dropped the hot Ocarina of Time potato in our laps. So much time, in fact, that no matter which prong of the fork in the Zelda timeline you subscribe to

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FBI Traces Swatting Origins Back to CIA

“If I swat someone while I’m flying, does that make me a ‘fly swatter’?” | Washington, D.C. – Swatting. It’s the kind of thing you do after you’ve had a few too many Four Lokos, and you just can’t help but slip on the ol’ tube sock as you…

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Bill Gates Teabagged in Halo, Sends An Army to Eradicate Small Town in Croatia

Bill Gates Thumbnail

“git gud cucks” | Silicon Valley – Winning isn’t everything for a lot of people. Some of us might scream and shout at our TVs and computers when we are homing in on victory, only to be shot dead…

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PBS Finds The Female Gamer Demographic Nothing More Than A Clever Government Hoax

Gamer Girl Thumbnail

“If that’s so, explain why my girlfriend likes playing video games!?” | Arlington, Virginia – The Public Broadcasting Service, PBS, finds that the “female gamer” demographic, is nothing more than a clever government hoax started to soothe the burning loins of…

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The Lie That Sparked A War Between Kakariko Village and the “Tree Hobbits” of Kokiri Forest

Dead Deku Tree

“Tree Hobbits, eh? Let me get you the number of a great pest control company to take care of that.” | Kakariko Village, Hyrule – It has recently come to light that a blood feud between the residents of Kakariko Village and the peaceful children of the Kokiri Forest arose sometime in 1999, after…

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