Nintendo Has Glorified Vandalism For Decades, Yet We’ve Never Batted An Eye

getting rupees to destroy things

“Destroy things for money? Yeh, that’s how it works”

If Nintendo is well-known for anything, it’s surely that it caters to the casual gamer market with its family-friendly games and gimmicky systems. But despite holding reverence as a company whose products are enjoyable for the whole family, Nintendo – like Disney – is full of crude references meant to brainwash our children with subliminal messages.

Just look at the company’s portrayal of drug-induced plumbing escapades, or perhaps a glimpse into Mario’s furry fetish secretly driving the non-binary transgender movement, which the company continues to perpetuate as the series progresses. And let’s not forget Zelda II’s quick-recovery brothels, to give you that little extra magic boost for the low, low cost of some H2O.

Cheap zelda 2 water prostitutes
“Strange. It doesn’t smell like there’s a drought in this area…”

However, one of the most despicable subliminal messages it has sent out to millions of children worldwide, is that vandalism is okay. That’s right, I said it. Nintendo condones and glorifies vandalism in its most popular IP, The Legend of Zelda. Let’s use the Ocarina of Time as an example.

In the land of Hyrule, not only does free money live in meadows and grassy stalks, often remote locations, but apparently, rupees also inhabit the hollow chambers of random clay pots. Strewn throughout Hyrule, everyone seems to have at least 6 of them in their house for no discernible reason, and nobody has any qualms about them disappearing (or later reappearing, when you enter the same house after leaving).

Cookie-jar tactics intact, Nintendo taunts you with the free prize inside every cereal-box-pot by forcing you to spend much of the money you’ll make frolicking through the meadows of the Lost Woods on shields and ammo for your slingshot.

Even more disturbingly, in the area leading up to Hyrule’s town square, there is a building full of pots, a few crates, and a guard. The guard stands there, watching you as you run through the small building, but says nothing when you begin destroying everything in sight! Not even the crates are safe, and those could’ve helped Mr. Guard climb back up the strange dividers at the top of the stairs to restock the pots YOU broke.

Not convinced yet?

“Link is but a mere child at this point. Surely, his acts of vandalism are but mere innocent naivety, or can be explained away by the fact that he’s advancing his own agenda for the betterment of Hyrule”, some of you might argue vehemently at your computer screen.

Don’t worry, I’m listening.

So, how about every temple that you run through, as both a child AND an adult, containing these same pots? Surely, Ganondorf wasn’t feeling fabulous and decided to throw them in there for a nice home décor touch (in fact, the Legend of Zelda didn’t start seeing ‘fabulous’ characters until the introduction of Ghirahim, or 4 Swords’ Purple Link, depending on how canonical you want to get).

No, that was Nintendo, quietly whispering to you through your ‘Hey You! Pikachu’ microphone to start breaking some shit, because you’ve only got 1 heart left, and ‘hey look, a flaming bat just locked eyes with you; have fun’.

Or, for the slightly more sane among you, you’re probably thinking, “dude… It’s a video game. It’s not supposed to conform to our social constructs and perceptions of normality”.

To that, I say hosh posh.

Clearly, Nintendo is just like Disney. Disney had the Lion King (with the holocaust); Nintendo has Legend of Zelda and vandalism. Whether it’s actively suggesting you gain health from a good quickie from the next lady who asks you for water, or passively suggesting that destroying others’ property is okay, as long as you don’t talk about it, Nintendo has had a firm grasp on the minds of our youth, the likes of which not even Mortal Kombat and GTA could compare to.

Nintendo ruins young minds

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About the Author: Skik McDervish

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