Nintendo Under Fire After Fans Link Zelda Game Map to Nazism and Fortune Telling

“Let’s make Zelda great again!”

Washington, D.C. – Nintendo has recently come under fire for allegations of Nazi sympathizing, and predicting the rise of Hitler 2, err, I mean world-renowned billionaire and ex-reality show host, Donald Trump.

You are SO fired
You are so fired

For a long time, we’ve all known about the Swastika dungeon in the land of Hyrule (circa. whatever time period the first Legend of Zelda took place in Hyrule’s history). Alas, nobody knew it at the time, but this inclusion of the Nazi’s favorite symbol as a dungeon design may have held a much deeper meaning than ‘Sieg Heil’.

As it happens, Nintendo was actually referencing the “new regime” that would come to America 30 years later.

Thanks to psychic leprechauns Shigeru Miyamoto found in a cave he explored as a child, (which he had kept stored in his basement until adulthood for this fateful game), Miyamoto and friends knew of the pending fate of the world.

Rather than alerting authorities of the future’s ill-conceived plan to initiate greater political change, they figured it was best to subtly tuck away the warning in a vague, cryptic message.

A message that happened to also be a known symbol of a popular, heinous organization that committed unspeakable acts of genocide just decades prior (along with various other religious uses prior to the Nazis).

As people have started connecting the dots, it’s turned into a social media shit-storm. Even the most devout of Nintendo fans are lashing at the game company (a surprising turn of events, from a fan-base that vehemently defends even the most crass decisions).




Currently, officials are looking into the allegations, and have stated that the company could face severe implications.

While Nazi sympathizing is not a crime in Japan, the game company could still be in some pretty hot water. Particularly, if found guilty of accurate fortune-telling of this magnitude, Nintendo will be charged with crimes against humanity, for not telling us of the impending orange in the White House that’s bound to doom us all.

Goddamn leprechauns
“An interesting destiny indeed”

Stay tuned for more.

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About the Author: Chet Ramsteak

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